peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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