i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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