p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
