If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
