You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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