he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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