the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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