he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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