life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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