there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
handjob tips. give me some.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
