ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
