I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
