I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
