I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
