see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
