I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
