From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
