We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
