my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
