I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
