I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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