You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ugly people sure do ruin things
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
