Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
