we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
