I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
