Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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