Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
