im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
