I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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