theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
