My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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