Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
