Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
