I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
