I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
