I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
