You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she told me i tasted like america
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think your dad took our porno
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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