I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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