The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
