im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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