we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
