You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
