this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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