He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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