I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
