we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
