We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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