ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
