You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love you. Go after that dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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