Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
